“I have always thought about death, a death that I might give myself”.

This article, as well as the publication of a previously unpublished personal letter written by Jacques Derrida in his youth, relate to my thinking and research regarding the existential questions raised by philosophy and the act of suicide. Both the personal letter and the correspondence between Derrida and his close friend Michel Monory invite us to reflect on death and the enigma that suicidal ideation can take when presenting itself to a subject, while at the same time they provide us with valuable information about the origins of Derrida's oeuvre to come. Giving us a glimpse into the universe of a young tormented soul, who has already dreamed of “a book of extraordinary philosophy,” Jacques Derrida confides some of his philosophical, psychological, and—interesting in light of what we know will be his future—autobiographical reflections to his friend. I situate the context of this correspondence more precisely and give shape to the distant, buried form of what will have been friendship allowing us to gain a greater understanding of the act of autobiography, as well as the autobiographical pact—as Philippe Lejeune has theorized it—and how it relates to the work of mourning. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2011 APA, all rights reserved)